How Feminism Ruined Femininity (and Why I’m Taking It Back)
Let’s get one thing clear before I get canceled in three languages: I’m not anti-feminist. I’m anti-confusion. Somewhere between “burn the bras” and “boss bitch your way to burnout” femininity got shoved into a dusty corner like your grandma’s lace doilies—and not in a cute vintage way.
What used to be sacred, powerful, and intuitive got branded weak, regressive, or internalized patriarchy. And honestly? That’s not it.
The Original Feminist Vibe Check
Remember when feminism was about voting, not dying in childbirth, and being allowed to have a credit card or own property without a husband-slash-overlord? Those were the days. The first and second waves weren’t anti-femininity—they were pro-agency. These women weren’t trying to be men. They just didn’t want to be legally classified as decorative houseplants.
But fast-forward to modern feminism, and suddenly we’re all supposed to be high-achieving, hyper-independent, emotionally bulletproof, and allergic to lace. Cool story, but not everyone wants to be a CEO with no nervous system.
When Soft Became Stupid
We’ve been taught that to be taken seriously, we have to shut down our softness. Harden up. Toughen up. Man up. But here’s the thing: softness is not weakness. It’s an act of resistance in a world that rewards emotional numbness.
Softness used to be sacred. Now it’s seen as a liability. Crying? Weak. Nurturing? Oppressed. Wearing pink? Brainwashed. Baking a damn casserole? Are you even a feminist?! Miss me with that logic.
Masculine Mimicry ≠ Empowerment
Plot twist: you don’t become powerful by playing by the rules of the very system you’re trying to escape. But here we are, stuck in the “if you can’t beat ’em, become them” energy. Hustling, grinding, suppressing, competing. We didn’t dismantle the system—we just learned to play by its rules. Be louder. Hustle harder. Compete more. Swallow your feelings. Win at all costs. Look like a girl, work like a man, bring home the bacon and never let ‘em see you sweat.
That’s not empowerment. That’s exhaustion in sensible shoes.
Femininity isn’t weak—it just doesn’t bow to capitalist productivity culture. So instead of integrating it, society labeled it extra, frivolous, and outdated. The joke’s on them, though—because feminine energy isn’t going anywhere. She’s just been in exile, sharpening her nails.
Equality Got Confused With Erasure
We asked for a seat at the table, and were told we had to chop off our softness, ditch our skirts, and lower our voices to get it. That’s not equality. That’s assimilation. Equality shouldn’t mean becoming a man in lipstick—it should mean bringing everything we are to the table and being respected for it.
The worst part? The pendulum swing made women police each other. Suddenly, if you love homemaking, wear lipstick, or talk about your moon cycle, you’re not “woke” enough. Internalized misogyny in a crop top. Cute.
The Return of the Sacred
But here’s the good news: the pendulum is swinging back.
We’re seeing the slow, delicious rebellion of women reclaiming femininity on their own damn terms. Not for approval, not for tradition—but because their bodies, hearts, and spirits are starving for it. The rise of divine feminine energy, cyclical living, sensuality practices, slow rituals, and softness isn’t a trend—it’s a collective exhale.
Femininity isn’t dead. She’s just been buried under decades of shame and survival. And now? Now she’s coming home.
Turns out, being a woman isn’t a problem to solve. It’s a magic to remember. Softness. Pleasure. Slowness. Intuition. Sensuality. Rest. Ritual. Cycles. Community. Beauty. The Divine. The messy, magical, tender power that lives in our bones.
Femininity Myths We Need to Torch (Get the Matches)
1. “Femininity is just for straight cis women.”
Wrong. Femininity is an energy, not a costume. Anyone can embody it. Men can be incredibly nurturing.
2. “If you like pretty things, you’re shallow.”
Pretty isn’t the problem. Patriarchy’s inability to value it is.
3. “Femininity = submission.”
Nope. Femininity is receptive, not passive. And she can say no with a smile that cuts like a dagger.
4. “Real feminists don’t care about looks.”
False. You can smash the patriarchy in a silk robe and a smoky eye if that’s your vibe.
5. “Femininity is outdated.”
Tell that to the moon. She’s been cycling in power since forever.
10 Things That Are Feminine AF (and Not a Single One Is Weak)
Crying – Releasing emotion through tears is literally one of the healthiest, most cathartic things you can do. You know what’s weak? Emotional constipation.
Saying “no” without explaining yourself – Boundaries = self-respect.
Resting – Rest is resistance. Especially in a world that equates worth with output. A nap is a sleepy “fuck you” to grind culture.
Making your space beautiful – Beauty is soul nourishment. Whether it’s altars, flower arrangements, or just lighting a damn candle—curating beauty is an act of sacred reverence, not vanity.
Being intuitive – That gut feeling? That’s ancient wisdom. Femininity whispers, and the brave listen.
Caring deeply – We live in a time where apathy is armor. To care? To feel? To love fiercely? Radical.
Being sensual without being sexual – Femininity knows the difference. And it doesn’t perform for anyone’s approval.
Moving slow – Slow isn’t lazy. Slow is intentional. Slow is sacred.
Creating life—in any form – Yes, babies. But also ideas, art, gardens, communities. Femininity births. That’s divine AF.
Holding contradictions – You can be wild and grounded, soft and strong, nurturing and fierce.
Final Thoughts (And a Little Call to Arms)
Let’s be clear—feminism didn’t set out to ruin femininity. But some interpretations of it? Some waves, some voices, some attempts at equality that confused sameness with liberation? Yeah, they did some damage. The truth? Feminism tried to free us—but it didn’t always know what to do with our softness, our sensuality, our cyclical magic.
So no, I’m not trying to go backward. I’m not romanticizing oppression. I’m saying we deserve a version of femininity that’s ours. On our terms. Unapologetic. Unfiltered. Unbothered.
You want to reclaim your softness? Your sensuality? Your cyclical nature? Your rose petals, your moon water, your tears, your sacred rage?
Do it. That’s the most feminist thing you can do.
And here’s a truth no one seems ready to admit: even if they can’t always name it—or even recognize it—men are starving for true femininity. Not the polished performance, not the submissive script, not the Instagrammable trophy vibes. That’s what they’ve been told to want. But it’s not what feeds them. I will address this topic in a separate blog.