What the Hell Is Shadow Work—and How Do You Know If You're Even Doing It Right?

Let’s just get this out of the way: shadow work sounds like something out of a moody vampire fanfic. And honestly? It kind of is. Except instead of making out with a sexy, brooding immortal, you’re forced to confront your inner gremlins, unpack your childhood trauma, and admit that maybe—just maybe—you’re the one being a little toxic sometimes.

Welcome to the wild ride of shadow work: where healing gets messy, self-awareness comes with some ego death, and personal growth sometimes looks like crying on the floor next to three empty coffee cups (or White Claw cans) and a tarot card you don’t fully understand.

Let’s break it down. No fluff, no fake-deep Instagram quotes. Just the truth, with a salty rim.

Okay, So What Is Shadow Work?

Shadow work is basically the process of dragging your emotional baggage out from the dusty corners of your subconscious and saying, “Alright, what the fuck is in here?”

It’s the not-so-glamorous side of self-help. The part where you stop pretending you’re a ray of sunshine 24/7 and actually look at the parts of yourself you’ve shoved into the metaphorical junk drawer. You know—the anger, the jealousy, the people-pleasing, the passive aggression, the tendency to lose your shit when someone chews too loudly.

The “shadow” is all the stuff you’ve been taught is unacceptable. And instead of continuing to bury it like a cat covering a turd in the litter box, shadow work says: Let’s dig that shit up. Let’s look at it. Let’s heal it.

Spoiler Alert: Your Shadow Isn’t a Villain

Hot take: those parts of you you think are “bad”? They’re probably just hurting.

• Your procrastination? Might be your nervous system begging for a damn break.

• That envy you hate feeling? Could be pointing to a dream you’ve been too scared to own.

• Your anger? Might be trying to defend your boundaries that you keep letting people bulldoze.

The shadow isn’t evil. It’s misunderstood. And it’s been screaming into the void for your attention. Shadow work is finally listening.

“But How Do I Know If I’m Doing It Right?”

Ah yes, the classic question from the overachieving part of you that wants a gold star for healing.

Look, shadow work isn’t a BuzzFeed quiz. There’s no “You got: Fully Integrated Goddess of the Void!” result screen. But here are some signs that you're not just spiritually doom-scrolling—you’re actually doing the damn thing:

1. You start noticing your triggers before you spiral

Someone pisses you off, and instead of launching into a rage blackout or emotional shutdown, you pause and go, “Huh. That hit a nerve. Why tho?” Growth.

2. You stop blaming everyone else for your shit

Instead of pointing fingers, you start asking, “What is this showing me about myself?” Ugh, accountability. Rude—but necessary.

3. You feel kinda gross, kinda free

Shadow work is not a spa day. It’s more like emotional CrossFit. You might feel raw, tired, and over it—but also oddly empowered.

4. You’re kinder to yourself (finally)

You stop trash-talking your own mind like it’s your worst ex. You start saying things like, “It makes sense I reacted that way.” Look at you. Healing.

5. Your relationships shift (or implode—both are valid)

Turns out, when you stop being a people-pleasing doormat or projecting your unprocessed wounds onto your friends, things change. Some people will vibe with the new you. Others might nope out. Let ‘em.

Reminder: You’re Not Gonna Do This Perfectly

This isn’t a straight line. It’s a hot, chaotic spiral. You’ll think you’ve healed something—and then boom, Mercury retrograde shows up with a remix. Doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human.

Shadow work isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s about getting real. About owning the whole damn mess that is you—and loving yourself anyway. Especially the messy parts. Especially the parts you were taught to hide.

You’re Doing It Right If It Sucks a Little

If you’re feeling raw, real, and a little wrecked—but also clearer, braver, and more you? You’re on the right track, babe.

Keep going. Cry in the tub. Cuss at your journal. Light the candle. Feel your feelings. And then get up and live your life—one shadowy, shining step at a time.